Change is something we must face every single day. Some days, it is welcome. Other days it scares us, intimidates us, manipulates us into believing what we have here and now is the only reality worth living.
But that’s the question isn’t it: what is our reality?
How can we ever know if the life we call Real is the truth, is what we deserve, what we have earned? Why should we accept, day after day, the reading of the same dull newspaper at the same scuffed table laden with silences? What does it mean to go to sleep in the arms of someone you love only to wake up and not see that same person reflected in their eyes?
I only ask because recently, I have had to change. Like a creature on the brink of extinction I have had to adapt to a new environment, despite the fact that I believed my old one was the safest one imaginable. Now what I have around me is breathable air, fertile ground, clean flowing water…and yet I don’t fit. I don’t recognise this place. It is so new and raw that I find myself missing the messy world I came from. I miss life taking my breath away; I miss revelling in the strange alien plants that have grown all around me; I miss trekking miles before finding a drop of clean water. I didn’t want this change.
And so I am faced with the age old cliché that has reared its ugly head at any renowned protagonist.
Fight or flight?
In some ways, this is not even a question. I am the person who would choose fight every time when it came to life. I would strive against power and strength, magic and myth, no matter how fruitless my efforts would be. I would fight for what is right and I would fight for wrong if that was needed. I wouldn’t hesitate to bellow a heroic war cry at the top of my feminine lungs and charge into the depths of the enemy with the certain knowledge I would not return.
Today however, I am a different person. Change has changed me. I have fought and fought only to realise that the person I have been fighting is myself. And I am done fighting myself. I am in a place with everything I need to keep me alive and yet I am nearing extinction because the only impulse I have is flight.
Until I hear you beg me to fight harder.