Mowing the lawn has never felt so bad.

lawn

Today, whilst I was sitting in the garden, minding my own business in the sunshine, my next door neighbour began to mow her lawn.

Usually, this would not bother me. In fact, usually it wouldn’t even register on my radar.

But today it did.

Her mowing the lawn startled every living creature that had been settled in her garden. Suddenly I was surrounded by flies and bugs and tiny blades of grass, all seeking refuge from the gardener. The sound of the mower ripped through the air and even birds fluttered discontentedly from her garden into mine.

Now, I am NOT a nature girl. Not a single particle in me likes nature (apologies for nature lovers), so being instantaneously inundated with every creepy crawly thing with wings from within a ten meter radius was NOT ok with me.

So I scurried back inside, into my beautiful brick cage.

As I watched the swirling mass of chaos flying over the fence from next door, I got to thinking. This mower effect seems to be the perfect metaphor to describe ME recently. I may be doing something I see as harmless, but am I ever fully aware of the ripple effect I’m having on those around me?

At the moment, I am trying to work my way through a treacle-y sludge of stuff, in order to better myself and improve my life. But as I claw my way through this mess, have I stopped to consider what it’s doing to others around me? To people I love? To the one person I am trying to make peace with?

I process and react and make a change, and all because I think it’s going to help. But that’s methat’s my opinion. I can’t speak for anyone else and would be arrogant to assume I can.

The problem is, that for right now I haven’t figured out any other way to move past this. I have to take time for me and do things for me, because I haven’t done so in such a long time that’s it’s done more harm than good.

I’m just not sure I’m entirely comfortable with Lawnmower Me plowing through this mess, throwing all of my unwanted grass and unwelcome bugs over the fence in the meantime.

But as for now, I have no other choice. So whack on some bug spray and breathe through your nose. I’m on the grassy war path.

Close-up mowing the front lawn with houses in the background

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