Today, I experienced that feeling of uncontrollable rage. Every nerve and every feeling I had shot to my belly, my limbs were shaking, and I was scowling at the room, muttering in incomprehensible dark syllables.
I know. Terrifying. You’re probably quaking in your socks right now.
You may have picked up from recent posts, that in the past few months le man and I have been going through some particularly difficult times. We have gone through periods of loneliness, hurt, resentment, loss – and it has, on occasion, been hard to remember the love we share.
Right now, however, we are BACK. We are laughing again, and going out for walks at sunset, and staying up until the early hours of the morning talking with a bottle of red wine. I feel more in love with him than I ever have, which I know is a result of our survival through the tough times. We have been faced with adversity and have lived up to the fairy-tale:
We have conquered the evil.
…In all our green-skinned, mud bath glory.
Understandably though, as a result of this, I am that slightly bit (ok, incredibly) more sensitive when it comes to people commenting on our relationship. I cannot stand opinions or assumptions being put on us or our actions, especially when people don’t understand them. And this is what happened today: more than one person commented on an act of kindness le man had performed, criticising it as a guilty apology, and labeling it as cheap.
Immediately, my blood began to boil and I leapt straight into defense mode, typing out retorts and responses, and stamping my little child feet in an extremely attractive temper tantrum.
…Though now I see I perhaps acted a bit prematurely.
Well, I’ve already said it, haven’t I? No one else is in this relationship, no one else out there knows what we’ve been going through. Which means no one else would understand that those comments might possibly hit a nerve.
These people weren’t acting out of malice or spite. And I can see where they’re coming from because I understand as well as the next person what ‘banter’ is…but I also think there is a time and a place for it. I just can’t expect people to know when I’m going to declare that it is or is not acceptable.
…Feeling a bit silly now.
We all have things that we are easily wound up or offended by. We have all put our foot in our mouths and said something that has unintentionally hurt someone else. We are all guilty of reacting before we’ve had a chance to cool down and really think about it.
So next time, I’m going to give it a while before I respond, if I even respond at all. And I’m sorry if I’ve offended anyone. We should all make it clear what we find acceptable and what we don’t, or we’ll just end up getting hurt unnecessarily.
I need to make it clear that me and le man ARE back – but we’re fragile and worn out. It’s been a long few months! I won’t apologise for defending what I love, because I think anyone else would do the same. I simply want to say that for the time being, I feel I should warn you:
It’s nothing personal, I’m just a bit of a lioness when it comes to my relationship.
Hear me roar!