When nib kissed paper, electricity fizzed outwards in a spider web of sparks and you were born.

You shocked me at first. You were thinner than I had planned, with a smudge of a moustache on your upper lip. A rumpled suit hung off your body; a pair of spades for hands poked out from the sleeves as if curious to see the world. When you walked, your chest curved inwards on itself, shy, despite the confident stride of your loafer clad feet.

Not a word was spoken until sunset. You sat in the margin and hugged your knees while I sat on my giant’s throne and squinted down at you. Mine. My tiny creation, perched on the edge. When you looked at me, I gasped: I had forgotten to give you an eye colour. Two dark coals were buried in your sockets, burning with a flameless heat. Who am I? you asked.

I haven’t decided yet. I think your name might be Jonah.

You rolled the name around in your mouth like an oversized marble, raising one eyebrow. Every move you made was beautiful to me. I picked up my pen again, eager to fill you out, but you stood up, shaking your head in fear. You hurled your thin body at me and tried to batter down the walls between us. Vaguely frightened, I looked on in wonder. The screams coming from your mouth were strangled, muted. There is no escape for you here, I tell you. This is the world I built for you.

I don’t like it. This is not what I wanted. Oil tears fall thickly down your face and silhouette hands press into your eye sockets. Your shoulders shake.

It is not what I wanted either. Heart pounding, I throw my pen to one side, slam the pages of the notebook shut and stuff it hurriedly onto a crammed shelf. Not only yours, but many muffled sounds issue from the long row of identical jotters: snippets of song, laughter, the miniscule taps of feet pacing. If I close my eyes, I can almost see every birth, every creation.

And I wonder if it was good.


Exploring and Dreams and Smiles and Sun

This morning, I had a dream. A horrible and beautiful and terrifying dream.

It was the kind of dream that completely altered the mood I was prepared to wake up in. I was planning to be happy. The sun was shining, I could feel it sliding through the slits in the blinds, bathing my eyelids, and I was going to be smiley all day. I was going to grab my man’s hand, and hoist him out of bed to go exploring. I like exploring. We found the cathedral of the city we live in the other day. Took us a year of living here, but we found it. And that’s what I wanted to do. I wanted to take my man and my smiles and go exploring.

But then I had this dream.

I have a problem with the word goodbye. Give me the most heart-wrenching scene in a film or a book or in real life, and it won’t have the slightest affect on me until I hear the word goodbye. Then the tears come, and the tissues are pulled out, and the cheeks start to burn as I realise how silly I’m being.

This dream though, was ALL about the goodbye. It tugged on about every heart string you could have, from every which direction. You barely had time to gasp for breath before the next PUNG and you were fighting for air again.

Oh, it was a horrible one. A horrible, beautiful, terrifying one.

It stayed with me when I opened my eyes. I rolled over to say good morning in the most terrible grump. Frown on my face, impatience on my lips. Not a happy camper to say the least.

The thing is, it got me wondering why. Why one would dream do that; chemically alter a person with three short seconds of story…unless that dream was a special.

My favourite creative writing tutor once told me that we all have a story within us at any given time. It is nestled in your subconscious, you may not even know it’s there – you may ignore it if you do. But these stories, he told me, are the ones of real grit, real truth. These are the raw imprints of yourself on a page. Let your story come to life.

So that’s what I’m going to do. But I made a decision that I wouldn’t do it today.

No, today, I went exploring with the man I love. Today, I took my smile and showed it off in the sunshine.

We went to the Aquarium

We went to the Aquarium

And found a beach

And found a beach

Walked past a pretty harbour

Walked past a pretty harbour

And got very excited when we saw a very BIG BOAT.

And got very excited when we saw a very BIG BOAT.

All the while, smiling in the sun <3

All the while, smiling in the sun ❤

What did you do today? I hope you all had days shiny and bright and new and exciting.